EXCLUSIVE
Taylor Swift caught during a night on the town with her new boyfriend
Look at my VIDEO… my TESTAMENT about ACTING to you COMMONERS. Since AWARD season is HAPPENING… people must know and UNDERSTAND WHAT ACTORS GO THROUGH AND DO AND WHY THEY KNOW SO MUCH ABOVE THE AVERAGE FOLK.
- Damien T. KNIGHT.
December 11, 2012
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University Of Oregon Debut Controversial Fly-Ridden Duck Flesh Uniforms
Dis is hilarious, and awful to picture.
cLiCk HeRe fOr nEw Comedy hiLArIOUS LOL aRtICle!!!11
NJ Governor Chris Christie is criticized post Sandy for his “Storm-prep tips”
November 4, 2012
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Taylor Swift’s releases controversial self-praising song “I’m the best person I’ve ever met” - read now for this important fake news story!
Nation Suddenly Realizes This Just Going To Be A Thing That Happens From Now On
I realize it too. Heeeee heeeee.
October 19, 2012
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Check this out: Emmy’s (Emily’s) online dating profile description! Hit her up!! ha HA!
October 17, 2012
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Nation Tunes In To See Which Sociopath More Likable This Time
Awesome article! Exactly how I feelz.
Local roommate being really fucking annoying about ‘world issues’
ex-NEWS-sive! Press release, October 12 2012:
Stankey Craig, a college student at Make Up Your Own Degree and Never Get a Job Institute, a liberal arts college, has had recent trouble with his roommate Ashton, pictured below protesting something while wearing pink socks:
Ashton, a philosophy major, has recently been really annoying according to Stankey, about certain ‘world issues’ he reads about and is involved in ‘spreading awareness’ with.
Stankey recounted the following:
“What’s wrong dude?” inquired Stankey.
“Nothing man…. just this whole Prop 8/darfur/dolphin endangerment thing is really like, getting to me. I mean, I seriously feel like it’s just malnourishing my body and spirit. I feel like a weight is constantly on me, crushing me, I can’t breath, my spirit is gone, my will is gone… where to? Who knows… who knows. ” said Ashton.
“Dude, it’s not that big of a deal.. I mean it’s not directly affecting you and noone can solve anything. You’re bumming everyone out” responded Stankey.
“You just DONT GET IT! THESE ARE REAL ISSUES! AHHHH! AHHHH!!!” He then ranted and raved, collapsing on the floor and foaming at the mouth.
The incident was just one in a series of similar exchanges, mostly involving “some social or environment issue that he hears about”, revealed Stankey.
“He just always does this, he’s like this crazy ‘activist’ type guy who just annoys everyone. He calls us names and insults us if we don’t agree with him or join one of his ‘campaigns’. We seriously just want to drink party and rawk 24/7, but we can’t with this going on all the time. I tried to get stoned the other day and make some hash-brownies and rage out, but then he came in with his activist weirdo friends and they made a like cardboard statue thing of Mitt Romney and the Chick Filet guy and were smearing feces and pissing on them, then burned them outside and were like doing this crazy chant shit, fucking creepy as hell.” Stankey said.
As we were there interviewing him, Ashton came in and started talking about another issue, interrupting our interview.
“Chick Fil-A!!!! AhhHHH!!!! THESE PEOPLE ARE CRAZY LUNATICS Who should haVE BEEN AborTED!!!” screeched Ashton.
“Dude…. can you please go off to one of your ‘meetings’ or something? Isn’t that Kayla chick available or something?” Stankey asked.
“…Kayla is busy right now. ………..She hasn’t re-phoned me THESE ISSUES MATTER!!!” Ashton responded
“Dude, it’s just, like just don’t eat there, you can’t do anything about it…. Re-phoned me?” Stankey said.
“…But others are eating there. OTHERS ARE. Where are the Obama’s of the world, the real world-changers? It was HE that says he supported gay marriage. It was HE!!!!! I love gays. Why would anyone hate gays? They’re cool and DIFFERENT!!!” Ashton said.
“I don’t hate them, I don’t know anyone who does. What the hell are you talking about?” Stankey asked.
“You are the problem of this world. I knew you were trouble when you wouldn’t join my campaign to OVERTHROW THE CHICK FIL A AT THe MALL!” Ashton revealed.
“Overthrow it? What are you a Lord of the rings character?” Stankey asked.
“Stop your malarky and MAKE A REAL CHANGE FOR OncE!!! AM I The only PERSON WHO CARES ABOUT ANYTHING??” He screamed while spitting all over Stankey.
“Dude, just SHUT UP! Get out of here with your shit!” Stankey yelled back, pushing Ashton away.
“Ahh! AHHH! ouuuuchhh! OWWWWWWW! EVIL! YOU VIOLENT HATER! HOW DARE YOU LAY YOUR HANDS ON ME I WONT STAND FOR THIS OPPRESSION AND HATE!!!” Ashton dramatically responded.
“YOU WERE IN MY FACE, ASHTON.” Stankey said.
“OF course I WAS. Any EXCUSE you REPUBLICANS CAN MAKE.” Ashton said, with tears in his eyes.
“i DONT EVEN FOLLOW politics and so what if I was republican you were in my face, get out.” Stankey said, coming right up to Ashton’s face.
“Uhhh… err.. heh… ok,… just uh calm down man it’s ok heh seriously….that was just a joke man… you now how I’m the jokester.” Ashton timidly responded.
Apparently the roommates were put together by the Universities “learn from someone you completely clash with” roommate pairing program. As Ashton left, Stankey let us in on more crucial information:
“Yeah, he’s always on and on about that ‘others’ shit. He sounds totally crazy with that. He calls everyone republicans and evil and tea party members too. Honestly he’s just like the most annoying person I’ve ever met.” Stankey admitted.
“I can HEAR EVERYTHING YOU’RE SAYING!!! If you have a problem with me, TALK TO ME!!” Ashton yelled from the other room.
“I don’t need to start it up with you again, I’m talking to them because they are asking me about the situation dude” Stankey responded.
“It’s just a LITTLE annoying hearing you talk IN THE OTHER ROOM ABOUT ME like I’m NOT HERE but I AM HERE AND ready to TALK WHENEVER” Ashton screeched.
“Dude, you are such a little girl. How are you straight? I talk about you because you are annoying, it’s impossible.” Stankey said.
“What? What are you trying to say about THE GAYS that they’re all like little girls? They can handle themselves just like any straight person and can stick up for themselves. Some of them ARE VERY TOUGH AND STRONG!” Ashton retorted.
“I’m talking about you. Unless you ARE gay. Nothing wrong with it if you are, dude, just come out.” Stankey offered.
“I am not I AM NOT I AM NOT I AM NOT A GAY! I am not in any closet! I’m right here.” Ashton yiped.
“See, he’s so sensitive and defensive about it it makes me think he is.” Stankey revealed to us.
“If he is so accepting of people I don’t get why he’s so afraid to be called it.” Our reporter agreed.
We offered our condolences to Stankey and tried to leave, although on our way out we were bombarded by Ashton:
“Hey are you guys registered to vote……. democrat? Where are you guys registered?” Ashton asked.
“Oh… yeah we are.. we’re good..” We said.
“You guys this election is SO SO SO important you really have to vote and make your voice heard Obama … I mean…. whoever’s GOING to be president needs the support and this is a pivotal PIVOTAL MOMENT in history it’s just”
“Ok ok yeah we’re registered, just please let us leave” we managed, while he blocked our exit.
“PLEASE GUYS THIS ISNT something TO FUCK around WITH THIS IS THE ELECTION where it ALL CHANGES. EVERYTHING WILL BE AFFECTED THIS IS SO IMPORTANT GUYS PLEASE JUST VOTE OBAMA VOTE FOR OUR LEADER THE ONE TRUE LEADER AHH OWW!” We pushed past Ashton.
“YOU GUYS WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS ASSAULT!!” Ashton yelled as we left, calling the campus police assault victims hotline. We breathed a sigh of relief as we left, feeling very sorry for Stankey, we can only hope he gets a different roommate or living situati..
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UPDATE: It’s been three days that we’ve been locked up in the universities “Supressors Prison”… which they’ve called us since we apparently ‘supress individual rights’ and are a ‘threat to free expression and love and acceptance and change in the world’. We’ve contacted our lawyers, and we’re hoping to get out of here at some point, any future updates will be posted… please contact our families and let them know…
My fav artists, by Ems (Emily):
PINK!!! She’s my total fav so badass don’t give a eff ‘tude totally orig n creative n totally drop dead gorgeous and flawless. Her kool color changing hair and mohawk and she’s super hot too and I’d prob do her evenn tho it would make me lez-lez. RaISE UR GLASS! ONE LAST KISS! Great loud songs that make me wanna shout wit my lungs.
Alanis… Alanis first song “you oughta kno” was just like my theme song, like to every guy that ever effed with me, which was every 1! When I heard this song I was like hellz to the yeaI tote relate to it cuz when I wuz done with my ex I was just like ‘i hope you’re happy with him’, cause my ex went gay after I was done with him. I tote related.
Kelly Clarkson: Stronger, MR know it all is great, every guy thinks they kno everything and its stupid cuz they dont kno anything even tho they think they do. Mr-know-nothing, is what I say since they dont kno NOTHIN.
And stronger is good becuz ur just stronger without a guy cuz they just take and take take take and all I do is give give give, ….. wow actually tho that sounds like it could be a song…. ‘all you do is take take take, take it from me baby, and I give give give, give it all like a laadyyy’
Taylor Swift: OMG shes so cute n adorable again n I would do her also but in a sweet adorable kind of way not lez-lez. KANYE U SUCKED AT THE One MOVIE MUSIC AWARDS WHERE SHE CAME OUT AND You CAME OUt AND SHE WOn BUT YOU INTERRUPTED HER! !! ! ! 1
But anyways her songs r great cause everyone in my life is so mean just lik her song N also the guys she talks about how they screwed her over like thats just like me TOO cuz like its bullshit they think they can go do that. I give give to them. GUESS WUT??? IT’S OVER. UR OVER. WERE OVER. Three strikes n thats it ok? I dont’ care honestly you can go away get run over by a truck or something or a big car or just slowly die or somethin.
HEr new song is for ser (serious) so good cuz its just like a big EFF U to THe GUY SHE Was WITH JAKE GYLENHALL HAHA SHES FAMOUS N UR NOT now CUZ OF THat song ITS SO BADASS NEVER EVER Ever evER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER
And of course Biebers is really good too shes a really good singer n artist.
October 7, 2012
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My boyfriend :)
My boyfriend has been so great lately. He’s bought me unnecessarily expensive stuff, and told me how beautiful I am every hour that I see him. He’s great. As long as he keeps this up, I may LET him date me longer. But still, he should know… 3 strikes he’s out… and he’s already up to two strikes! I will update you as to how this progresses!
- Ems (Emily) <3
Debate?
- Did anyone win at being president yet?
