April 15, 2014   8,873 notes   
theonion:

FBI Uncovers Al-Qaeda Plot To Just Sit Back And Enjoy Collapse Of United States

theonion:

FBI Uncovers Al-Qaeda Plot To Just Sit Back And Enjoy Collapse Of United States

April 15, 2014   1,576 notes   
theonion:

Man With No Plans Just Too Exhausted To Go Out

theonion:

Man With No Plans Just Too Exhausted To Go Out

April 15, 2014   886 notes   
theonion:

Man Appalled At Date Who Lied Slightly More Than Him On Online Dating Profile

theonion:

Man Appalled At Date Who Lied Slightly More Than Him On Online Dating Profile

April 14, 2014   3,425 notes   
humansofnewyork:

"I ran away when I was 12 because my dad never fed me. I’d see other kids walking with their parents, and they seemed happy, so I figured things weren’t normal with me. The cops picked me up as I was about to cross the George Washington Bridge, and I’ve been in foster care ever since."

It’s amazing he made it to 12 without ever being fed. 

humansofnewyork:

"I ran away when I was 12 because my dad never fed me. I’d see other kids walking with their parents, and they seemed happy, so I figured things weren’t normal with me. The cops picked me up as I was about to cross the George Washington Bridge, and I’ve been in foster care ever since."

It’s amazing he made it to 12 without ever being fed. 

April 13, 2014
April 13, 2014

“ The Beast: The Final Episode will be released later today. ”

Misquitoman!

That’s right. Get ready. And make sure your will is in order because the episode is cursed, and you may not live after viewing.

Check out episode 6 in the meantime: http://youtu.be/cwet58rO1GM

April 12, 2014
April 11, 2014

Attention: I will be posting a video explaining of Episode 7 of The BEAST shortly.

I will post a video explaining episode 7 of THE BEAST web series soon.  Episode 7, is cursed, sadly.  Will you die after watching it? Yes.  Stay tuned for more info.

April 11, 2014   7,670 notes   
theonion:

Exit From Apartment Delayed 20 Seconds To Avoid Pleasantries With Neighbor

theonion:

Exit From Apartment Delayed 20 Seconds To Avoid Pleasantries With Neighbor

April 11, 2014   2,964 notes   
humansofnewyork:

"I just need to figure out what’s enough.""How do you do that?""Not sure. That’s why I’m in therapy."

- A sociopath.

humansofnewyork:

"I just need to figure out what’s enough."
"How do you do that?"
"Not sure. That’s why I’m in therapy."

- A sociopath.

April 10, 2014
April 10, 2014
April 9, 2014   10 notes   
superseriousshow:

Bill Burr // The Super Serious Show, January 2014
*Photo by Callie Biggerstaff

MY FAVORITE COMEDIAN.

superseriousshow:

Bill Burr // The Super Serious Show, January 2014

*Photo by Callie Biggerstaff

MY FAVORITE COMEDIAN.

April 9, 2014   325 notes   
whitewhine:

I paid for an extra inch of beer! Where is it?
Like the site? You’ll love the book (probably)

That’s subjective, since some people may actually enjoy the extra HEAD on that brew.  The extra HEAD helps balance out the bold, dark, sensual flavors that invigorate the mouth area and contribute to an overall sexual experience.

whitewhine:

I paid for an extra inch of beer! Where is it?

Like the site? You’ll love the book (probably)

That’s subjective, since some people may actually enjoy the extra HEAD on that brew.  The extra HEAD helps balance out the bold, dark, sensual flavors that invigorate the mouth area and contribute to an overall sexual experience.

(via collegehumor)

April 9, 2014   317 notes   

theonion:

Couple Keeps It Interesting By Bickering In Different Positions, Rooms | Subscribe to The Onion’s YouTube channel